But Does *Anything* Grow When He Lies?
The Daily Probe - November 19, 1999
The context for this and other Daily Probe articles is provided here.
WASHINGTON DC (DPI) - As the race for the Democratic presidential
nomination thundered into the second furlong, diminutive former
Secretary of Labor Robert Reich today announced his support for the
candidacy of former senator Bill Bradley (Long Drink of Water - NJ).
Reich, the son of an immigrant puppet maker from some nameless
European fairy-tale-looking town, said in his announcement, "I felt
some residual loyalty to Mr. Gore since he was my vice-boss, so to
speak, but he just seemed too wooden. I have a thing about that.
In the end, as always, I let my conscience be my guide." Since his
resignation following the first Clinton term, Mr. Reich has been a
college professor at Nehigh University. He also wrote a book,
"Locked in the Cabinet," detailing the cruel jokes that government
colleagues had played on him. Before his career in academia and
government and then hot-foot back to academia, Mr. Reich was a
stunt double for famous actor Charlie McCarthy. His second major
job was as a product tester for McDonald's hamster-habitat
playground equipment, where wounds inflicted on others by his hard
shiny saddle oxfords prompted the famous "no shoes" policy that
made McDonald's playgrounds the safest in the land.
Mr. Bradley welcomed the endorsement, saying, "I welcome Bob's
endorsement." In a statement that some view as a signal that
Mr. Reich may have a place in any future Bradley administration,
Mr. Bradley also said, "Bob brings a valuable new perspective to my
campaign. I tend to focus on high-level issues, but he can keep me
in touch with the grass roots. He can help me jockey for position
as the race tightens up. He has the lowdown on labor, for sure.
He is the wind beneath my knees." Campaign observers also saw a
crew of workmen building a portable scaffold that would help
Mr. Reich avoid a repeat of the embarrassment of having the
presidential candidate hold him up to the microphone during
campaign speeches.
- Reported by Chris Jones
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