Gospel Advice

486 words. Letter to the editor.

I like Southern Gospel music in small doses, so the Sunday gospel program on 97.9 FM WVOK sets me up nicely for a week otherwise filled with pop music and the IQ-lowering experience that is the Steve and Julie Show (love them, mean it, but I’ll never get those hours of my life back.)

Today, though, I heard some questionable assertions sung by The Blackwood Brothers. In “When We All Get to Heaven” they announced, “When we all see Jesus, we’ll sing and shout the victory!”

While I would never question the sincerity of men singing tight harmony in fluorescent suits, I do wonder if they are modeling good after-life behaviors. Seeing Jesus for the first time would be a signature moment, but loudness runs counter to modern notions of public comportment.

For example, at high school graduations they always ask guests to hold applause until the end, so that each graduate may hear his or her name announced. You then hear cricket noises when the honor roll kids are announced. But when a C-minus or below name is uttered, out come the trumpets and the confetti machine; it’s parental pandemonium for the next two minutes. Sure, a few eggheads may not hear their names announced, but they can console themselves with their college acceptance letters. For some kids, this diploma is their life’s crowning achievement. There will be noise. If a simple graduation ceremony can lead to different interpretations, what’s the rule, and what’s the reality, at the Pearly Gates?

Consider also the words attributed to Vince Lombardi: “When you go into the end zone, act like you’ve been there before.” This dictum is impossible to apply literally in Heaven because, aside from a few fallen angels, Heaven is supposed to be like the Hotel California: regardless of the checkout policy, you can never leave. So now we have to reconcile conflicting values. Would acting like you’ve been in Heaven before, which is impossible, be seen as a lie or a display of pridefulness, and could it complicate or delay your entry? What if you were on the bubble and this fake “cool” act bursts your bubble and you are directed to the DOWN elevator for not showing honest excitement? Thanks, Coach Lombardi!

I’m not blaming The Blackwood Brothers, who are only singing a song that was written by Eliza E. Hewitt during the 19th century period of revivalism and adventism when religious authorities often announced dates for the second coming of Jesus. I suppose if you had that date marked on your calendar, and if you considered yourself to have earned a C-minus in virtuous living, you might plan to render a loud celebration unto the world, and perhaps directly unto Jesus, when or if the opportunity arose.

As for me, I plan to follow Coach’s advice at first, but stand ready to holler and bust a move if Mrs. Hewitt is proven correct.

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