Greenpeace Warns Whales of Impending Doom
The Daily Probe - November 20, 2000
The context for this and other Daily Probe articles is provided here.
HAPATOOEY, PACIFIC ISLANDS (DPI) - Passionately bearded Greenpeace
squad leader Rex Thomson ignores the salt spray that stings his
eyes as he steers his electric dinghy through the surf around
Hapatooey. There will be time to wince after he finishes his
mission: warn every living creature for miles around of the
impending crash of the Russian Mir space station. "They shouldn't
do that -- there are lives at stake," he sighs, referring to
Russia's announcement that they will allow the aging space station
to fall from orbit over an unpopulated area of the ocean. Spotting
a friendly sea otter with long whiskers, Mr. Thomson stops his
dinghy and speaks through an electric bullhorn, saying, "Mister
Otter! The sky is falling next June! YOU HAVE TO GET AWAY FROM
HERE!! If you will, please tell the other creatures of the sea!"
Mr. Otter stares enigmatically and then dives, presumably to carry
out his new mission. Mr. Thomson resumes his patrol and observes
discreetly, "I know it's not really the sky falling, but there's
no time to explain the whole space program thing. Thank God for
the otters. Without them I would have to actually learn Fishspeak,
and there just isn't time for that." When last seen by this
reporter, Mr. Thomson was haranguing an attentive group of jelly-
fish, screaming and pointing at the sky to illustrate his remarks.
- Reported by Chris Jones
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