Kid Refuses to Say the Darndest Things
The Daily Probe - March 8, 2001
The context for this and other Daily Probe articles is provided here.
As submitted:
HOLLYWOOD, CA (DPI) - Chaos reigned on the set of Bill Cosby's backtalk-themed show, "Kids Say the Darndest Things", when Damien Omenowsky III of Wichita, Kansas, came to visit. "He looked perfect, but his secretly-filmed session in 'Cos's office was a disaster," said rattled producer James Edgerton. "Bill was working his ass off to make the kid laugh but he just sat there staring. It was unnerving. Then Bill switches to Plan B which is to pretend he's confused about normal things like desk drawers and light switches. Not a twitch out of Damien, even when Bill started eating a live philodendron. The kid ain't human. He zeroed in on our hidden camera and wouldn't look away. The camera guy went insane on the spot." Seeking to salvage the Midwestern child's visit, producers decided to try him in the ultimate test of sass-back-ability, the mano-a-mano of childish rudeness in which three children are placed on high stools in front of a live audience and egged on by 'Cos to "act cute". "We've put quiet kids in the Gladiator segment before, sure," says Edgerton. "Usually all it takes is a snicker from the audience and little Mister ShyBoy is up slam dancing like M. C. freakin' Hammer. Not Damien. Look at this clip." The never-broadcast film is indeed disturbing. Three children are perched on stools on a stage. Damien sits in the middle. Cos moves in from the side, mugging at the audience and shushing them with a finger to his lips; it's no good--they're laughing anyway. When he's halfway to Damien, the child turns and fixes him with a stare filled with a massive calm overlaying a promise of bottomless eternal horror. "At this point, 'Cos freaked out," narrates Edgerton. "Look, he shoved a Jell-O Pudding Pop up his own ass, right in front of every body. That's never happened before, except once when Art Linkletter paid a visit." The film ends abruptly right after Damien appears to levitate, stool and all, up into the hot TV lights. Production of the show has been suspended until the gates of Hell can be properly resealed. -- Reported by Chris Jones
As published:
HOLLYWOOD, CA (DPI) - Havoc reigned on the set of Bill Cosby's
backtalk-themed show, "Kids Say the Darndest Thing", when Damien
Omenowsky III of Wichita Kansas came to visit. "He looked perfect,
but his filmed session in Cos's office was a disaster," said
rattled producer James Edgerton. "Bill was working his ass off
to make the kid laugh but he just sat there staring. It was
unnerving. Then Bill switched to Plan B, which is to pretend
he's confused about normal things like desk drawers and light
switches so the kid has to explain it to him. Not a twitch out
of Damien, even when Bill started eating a potted philodendron
for lunch. The kid ain't human."
Seeking to salvage the child's visit, producers decided to try him
in the ultimate test of sass-back-ability, the mano-a-mano of
impish rudeness in which three children are placed on high stools
in front of an audience and egged on by Cosby to "act cute."
"We've put quiet kids in the Gladiator segment before, sure,"
says Edgerton. "Usually all it takes is a snicker from the
audience and before you know it little Mister Shy Boy is up slam
dancing like M. C. freakin' Hammer. Not Damien... the kid just
stared at Cos with an unnatural calm that barely concealed a
bottomless eternal horror. Cos freaked out and shoved a
Jell-O Pudding Pop up his own ass, right in front of everybody.
You never saw Art Linkletter do that, did you?"
Production of the show has been suspended until the gates of Hell
can be properly sealed.
- Reported by Chris Jones
-30-