Military Reconsiders Untrained Boob Policy
The Daily Probe - March 1, 2001
The context for this and other Daily Probe articles is provided here.
WASHINGTON, DC (DPI) - Pentagon officials announced today that they
may need to look more closely at their policy of sometimes putting
multi-billion dollar hardware into the hands of friendly but
woefully-undertrained civilians. The announcement resulted from
the recent sinking of a Japanese fishing boat near Pearl Harbor.
The incident happened when one Dr. Jack Ryan decided to see how
high he could make the nuclear sub USS Greeneville jump, in a
desperate attempt to escape the vengeful pursuing Russian sub that
wanted to destroy the secret super-quiet cavitation-equipped
something-or-other of his submarine.
The mishap resembles another incident wherein NASCAR's Bill Elliot
caused the collision of two fighter jets during a celebrity ride-
along, resulting in a mild case of whiplash for him and also the
loss of a $100,000,000.00 piece of hardware. Other critics have
also pointed to the recent loss of several Osprey jets, all
coincidentally piloted by famous nude large-breasted models from
Score magazine. Those critics have obviously never felt the heft
of warm, succulent... excuse me, I'll be back in a few minutes.
- Reported by Chris Jones
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