Physician Required to Properly Slicken Willie at Convention
The Daily Probe - July 27, 2000
The context for this and other Daily Probe articles is provided here.
WASHINGTON, DC (DPI) - He'll make no speeches, nor will he inspire
any balloon-dropping hysteria, but Dr. Chester Gleason may well be
the most important man at the upcoming Democratic Party Convention
in Los Angeles. The nondescript little bald man with thick quad-
focals is renowned as the premier venipuncturist on the West Coast.
Dr. Gleason has been tasked with wielding the needle just prior to
the "Passing of the Baton" ceremony that is planned to symbolize
the handoff of executive power from President Clinton to Vice
President Al Gore. In practice sessions, President Clinton has
snapped twelve thick wooden batons during the all-important
"release" portion of the ceremony, and three Al Gore stand-ins have
been hospitalized with severe baton bruises. In order to prevent
an on-stage disaster at the convention, Dr. Gleason will administer
Botox injections at strategic locations in the hand, arm, shoulder,
and neck of the presidential corpus. In Dr. Gleason's words, this
will "deaden the nerves and render Mr. Clinton temporarily unable
to maintain his grip on power for the crucial seconds required for
Mr. Gore to snatch the Big Stick away and hoist it high overhead
to the cheers of the NEA-- er, I mean convention delegates."
-- Reported by Chris Jones
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