Respected Reporter Arrested for Vandalism
The Daily Probe - January 31, 2000
The context for this and other Daily Probe articles is provided here.
METROPOLIS (DPI) - Investigative reporter Clark Kent of The Daily
Planet was arrested for drunk and disorderly conduct and for
damaging the men's room at Gotham Bar and Grill. Bar owner Jim
Arbuckle stated that there had been similar incidents involving
Mr. Kent in the past. "He's done this before and we let him off.
Not this time. I'm tired of fixing those little holes that he drills
through the urinals. I don't know what kind of tool he's using,
but it zips a hole right through the porcelain and on into the wall."
Bar patrons also reported hearing grenade-like detonations from the
restroom, but no explosion damage was observed. In fact, Mr. Arbuckle
reported that one of the toilets was cleaner than new on the inside,
as though it had been sand-blasted smooth and then laminated.
The arresting report states that a drunk and wobbly Clark Kent
blamed the urinal damage on "Super Pee" and the explosive blasts
on "Super Farts." Mr. Kent stated that his on-again off-again
girlfriend, reporter Lois Lane, was off-again, so he got "Super
Shitfaced." The Daily Planet has suspended Mr. Kent with pay
pending the outcome of his case.
- Reported by Chris Jones
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