Smile, You Have Two Hours to Meet Our Demands
The Daily Probe - February 14, 2000
The context for this and other Daily Probe articles is provided here.
LOS ANGELES, CA (DPI) - Peter Funt and Suzanne Somers didn't set
out to be heroes--it just turned out that way. The "Candid Camera"
prankmeisters and their production crew were returning by jetliner
from a foray into the nation's heartland to collect more funny gags
on film. The show can no longer be produced on either coast because
hip urban types either don't fall for lame tricks, or else they pull
guns from their pockets and commence firing when Funt & Company
accost them on the street with some wacky scenario. The show has been
filmed in the Dakotas, land of laconic gullibility, for the last four
seasons.
As their commercial airliner reached cruising altitude, a band of
hijackers took over the plane and demanded to be flown to Miami.
The hooded men, who had un-American accents, also demanded that
Elian Gonzalez's grandmother--specifically, "the naughty tongue-
nibbling peepee-pulling one,"--meet them when the plane landed.
Sensing danger, Peter Funt began signaling Suzanne and the film crew
with his outlandish white eyebrows. After years of matriculation in
Funt U., they needed no more prompting. First, Ms. Somers arched her
back and then crossed her legs as she does on the show, revealing her
aged yet astoundingly firm and meaty thighs all the way up to heaven.
Narf. The hijackers' attention was riveted on this delightful womanly
smorgasbord.
Meanwhile, the rest of the crew prepared the plane for a clever
series of pranks. One hijacker was fooled by the old "kangaroo in
the bathroom" gag, and while he was laughing at his own foolishness
he was subdued. Another hijacker was taken in by the "mind-of-its-
own drink cart." He followed the cart all the way to the back of
the plane, where he was conked on the head and stuffed into an
overhead compartment. Finally, the leader of the desperadoes was
disarmed--well, killed, really--by the old "knock-knock; who's
there?" fake door trick, which led him to exit the plane at 40,000
feet of altitude. Mr. Funt then turned to one of the cameras with
that dead-eyed stare of his and said, "Uh oh, Suzanne, that first
step was a doozy." Of course, candid cameras were rolling the
entire time, so the whole dangerous yet ultimately funny episode
will be seen next week.
- Reported by Chris Jones
-30-