Houston, we have a problem. Unlike institutions where toxic masculinity is rampant, the NASA astronaut corps suffers from toxic femininity. There’s a right way and a wrong way to act out.
For the right way, look to the men, whose misbehavior rarely amounts to more than spirited hijinks. Alan Shepherd famously snuck a golf ball onto the Moon and struck one giant tee shot for Mankind. Mission Control wagged a finger, but the world laughed. That’s hijinks.
By contrast, there was the lady astronaut (name omitted because I’m chicken) who drove from Houston to Florida wearing a diaper—like they do in space, but in a Buick—to confront her romantic rival. The ensuing legal argument was whether to charge her with attempted murder or attempted kidnapping. The Hijinks Defense was not attempted.
Imagine you are in the passenger seat on a spaceship. Who do you want to see smiling at you from the captain’s seat as the countdown nears zero: the golf guy or the diaper-driving-attempted-kidnapping lady?
Need more proof? Buzz Aldrin punched out a Moon-landing denier who confronted him and called him a coward and a liar. Beverly Hills police, in accordance with The Guy Code and American jurisprudence and also common sense, did not press charges. A potentially toxic bit of masculinity moves over to the hijinks column.
By contrast, we have a recent case where a lady astronaut, in orbit, used the space station computer to commit identity theft against her estranged wife. Ladies, please! Every computing cycle is precious! We’ve all seen this in the movies: "Please, computer, we need air...can't...breathe..." "I'M SORRY DAVE...I'M BUSY HELPING HEATHER WITH HER SCAM. MIGHT AS WELL FORGET THE POD BAY DOORS TOO.”
I urge NASA to implement boyish hijinks training for the ladies.
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This work was published in The Anniston Star on August 29, 2019.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License.