Who, Indeed, Wants to Know?
The Daily Probe - January 24, 2000
The context for this and other Daily Probe articles is provided here.
HOUSTON, TX (DPI) - The television program, "Walker, Texas Ranger,"
has unintentionally opened a metaphysical can of worms. The scene:
in the program of January 15, 2000, Ranger Walker approached an
airplane mechanic to inquire as to the particulars of the mechanic's
employment as well as of any potential criminal activities of his
employer. As is customary in such scenes, the camera was positioned
inside the hangar so that the viewer could see the mechanic working
on the plane as well as the sight of Walker entering through the huge
hangar doors. Walker approached the mechanic and asked a question as
he walked. The mechanic, also following the age-old standard script,
stood and wiped his gleaming wrench with a rag (a portent of the
violence to come, or suggestive of homoerotic foreplay?) and
responded in a thick hillbilly drawl, "Who wants to know?" only he
pronounced it more like, "Whew wuntz t'KNOW?!" with bucktoothed,
spittle-spraying emphasis on the last word. When Walker identified
himself as a lawman, the simpleton mechanic was instantly transformed
into a fighting dervish, swinging his wrench with murderous intent.
The suddenly-demonic mechanic was, of course, no match for the highly
trained Ranger Walker, who stepped in close where the wrench could
not find him and then used secret Oriental fighting techniques to
snap the man's arm bones in two. The airplane mechanic violence that
reliably follows the answer to the question "Who wants to know?"
leaves mystified viewers wondering: Is there any answer that would
not provoke conflict, or is combat inevitable? Must the protagonist
stand so close to the mechanic when he asks his provocative question,
seemingly inviting a wallop from the wrench? Is this particular
brand of struggle in fact a metaphor for the struggle between
society (Walker) and the vanishing species that is the blue-collar
worker (the mechanic)? Does Walker have special elastic jeans that
allow him to kick so freely even though they are so tight? And
what's the story behind that bad hairpiece??
The CBS switchboard was flooded with calls during the commercial
break, demanding answers to these and other questions, as well as
the reinstatement of "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman."
- Reported by Chris Jones
-30-